I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
