If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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