Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
be right there i have to get my cape
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
