Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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