Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
