I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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