He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
