You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
