Swine flu. Run for my life!
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
