i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
