Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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