Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
