I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
