I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
