My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
