So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
