When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
