Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
