I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
