you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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