You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
