I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
