I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
