my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
