We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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