and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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