Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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