White coat. Heels.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
