You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
