He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
