im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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