He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
