I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
