OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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