I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
