i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
