i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
