so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
