my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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