it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
cat food counts as protein by the way
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize