i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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