My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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