Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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