Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
foreskin is a definite game changer
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
