Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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