Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
