"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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