Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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