So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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