make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
