I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
