Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
