You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
