Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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