afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
