when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
