I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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