I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
