we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This is the high leading the old right now
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
