he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
