Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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