My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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