I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
