I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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