woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
