I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
