you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
