I will die if light touches me.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
