dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
