I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
