Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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