Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
