Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
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