I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize