I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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