You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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