Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
