Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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