oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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