she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize