I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
