Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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