I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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