i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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