its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
