is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
