if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
